Image via WikipediaI really hate sleep. Can you honestly think of a more total and undeniable waste of time, outside of maybe late-night infomercials? If you get too much, you don't have time in the day left to get anything done, and if you don't get enough, you eventually become too impaired to get anything done. And don't even think about trying to get just the right amount, because it doesn't exist. Then, if you are lucky enough to go without it long enough to catch up on what needs to be done, you eventually crash and snooze for half a day, completely backing you up again.
Maybe I just need a new alarm clock.
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Alarm clocks seem to be one of those semi-obsolete pieces of technology that we seldom use anymore, yet still can't fully divorce ourselves from making or owning. Most people these days use their cell phones or smart phones as their alarm clock, and those who never advanced that far technologically still use their digital watches. However, most of these people still have radio/ipod/cd/mp3 alarm clocks on a night stand or dresser in their bedrooms, most likely serving no purpose other than to display the time in a sharp, glowing digital format. In fact, half of the alarm clocks you see for sale these days do their best to act as a multimedia center for the bedroom, despite the fact that many people these days actually have multimedia centers in their bedrooms.
I guess you could call it a final vain attempt to retain a sense of relevance. Alarm clocks are like the Willie Lomans of technology, hanging around long after they're needed, having outlived their own usefulness, trying desperately to feel important in a marketplace made up of people walking around with multimedia centers clipped to their belts, doing anything they can to cling to their tenuous grasp on their own validity, all the while contemplating a meaningful death. Who knew waking up could be such a sad experience?
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Have I mentioned that my book, Performed by Lugosi, is currently available for purchase on Amazon.com, and at your local bookstore (if they bother to stock awesome books, that is)? Did I also mention that you can purchase autographed copies from me directly, and that Performed by Lugosi is a great work of literary/film criticism that explores the career of one of Hollywood's most recognizable horror film icons through the films he starred in (like The Body Snatcher, The Black Cat, and Murders in the Rue Morgue) that were based on the short stories of some of the most famous and well-respected authors in literary history (such as Robert Louis Stephenson, Edgar Allen Poe, and Arthur Conan Doyle), which are also reprinted along with my insightful film commentary?I thought so. Just checking.
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As far as alarm clocks go, this Dharma Initiative Alarm Clock is probably the best one on the market. Hell, you'd probably be Lost without it. Get it? Okay, I'm done.
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